In the previous blog series “Unravelling Our Routines: Practical Steps For Breaking Free From Old Habits,” and “Habit Hacks: Using Environmental Cues to Create Lasting Health Changes,” we delved into the significance of habitual patterns in our lives—how they serve as anchors, reducing decision fatigue and providing stability. We discussed the first steps of envisioning new possibilities and strategically planning for anticipated challenges. But what comes next after setting the stage for change?
What lies below the Surface
In this installment of our series on behavior change, we shift our focus on the deeper subconscious patterns that often make change difficult and the mindset and perspective adjustments necessary to navigate them. Why do we cling to behaviors that we know aren’t in our best interest?
Imagine an iceberg. What you see above the water is only a small fraction of its total mass. Similarly, our behaviors are like the tip of the iceberg. Beneath the surface lies the vast bulk of the iceberg—our subconscious mind, filled with deep-seated beliefs, past experiences, and emotional wounds. These hidden forces drive our visible actions and reactions.
Unraveling Our Emotional and Psychological Threads
What complex emotional and psychological threads are woven into these patterns? Most importantly, how can we gently unravel these threads to guide ourselves towards more intentional actions and healthier choices? It’s a challenging journey, certainly, but also a rewarding one that leads to personal growth and improved wellbeing.
Step 1: Navigating with Awareness
A sea captain can be highly skilled and knowledgeable, but they must respect the power of the ocean. To navigate successfully, they must work with the weather and currents rather than trying to impose their will on it. Similarly, by working with our emotional undercurrents, we can roll with the waves, charting a way through them rather than getting lost in them. Learning practices to co-exist with our emotions and fears will also help us build the habits we want rather than returning to the harbor at the first sign of a storm.
Start by identifying the following three things to work with any internal resistance around the behaviors we want to build:
- What are the emotions we feel around the habits we want to build (nutrition, exercise, alcohol etc…). For example, reflect on a time when you avoided exercise. What were the thoughts that held you back?
- The habitual thought patterns that come up related to the goal.
- Notice the visceral feelings our emotions create in our body when they arise.
Step 2: Mindset Shifts and Challenging Limiting Beliefs
Consider a recent behavior that didn’t serve you well. What might be lurking beneath the surface of your iceberg? A few questions you can ask yourself about the beliefs that keep you stuck:
- What is my relationship with [YOUR GOAL] food, exercise, stress, alcohol etc…?
- Do I believe it doesn’t really matter, or its too hard to alter course? Telling yourself, “I haven’t been able to make this change up to now,” can be a powerful perspective shift to allow you to harness prior knowledge and plan a new course for the challenges previously met.
- What beliefs do I hold about what is possible? Are you putting yourself inside a box of impossibility? Challenging these beliefs can open a new perspective and catalyze change.
- What challenges will I need to meet to build my new habit?
- How can understanding this help me change?
Reflecting on my health challenges after coming back from chronic illness, exhaustion, and sedentary behavior for a few years, confronting my beliefs around exercise involved coming to grips with the feelings of overwhelm due to the severe fatigue and burnout I felt in the past. How could I realistically fit this in a busy day and not burn out again? I had a very real fear of overdoing it and engaging in previous patterns that would cause burnout and fatigue to return.
My family has never been one to “wallow” in feelings. We work hard, get on with it and do what has to be done. It was almost automatic for me to push down that tight feeling in my chest and the feeling of overwhelm. The result: I looked for excuses for other things I needed to do and procrastinated on exercising. When I did exercise once or twice a week, self-talk about the level I “should” be able to perform at made me push myself too far too fast.
I value hard work, but by allowing the negative self-talk to creep in and comparison to my former levels of fitness, I would inevitably overtrain causing excess muscle soreness for days and start feeling fatigued. Then I would feel fear, dread over the next exercise session, inadequacy and worry over my future health. The turning point was accepting where I was at. Accepting that I could start with the smallest steps and that I didn’t have to do what I used to or what I see friends or others doing online. I can aim for the latest guidelines in exercise physiology, but I can do so in a phased manner honoring the signals from my body.
Step 3: Define New Norms by Reframing the Challenge
Embrace the Journey
Reframing the challenge involves changing how you perceive and interact with your goals. Instead of seeing exercise, diet, or other lifestyle changes as burdens or insurmountable tasks, view them as opportunities for personal development and self-care. Acknowledge that progress is a continuum, and every small step is valuable.
Define Actionable Steps
To make this reframe concrete, identify small, manageable actions that align with your bigger goal. For example:
- Start Small: If your goal is to become more active, begin with a commitment to take a 10-minute walk three times a week. Gradually increase the duration and frequency as this becomes a comfortable part of your routine.
- Set Micro-Goals: Break larger goals into smaller, achievable tasks. If improving your diet is the goal, start by introducing one vegetable into each meal. Or replace soda with a glass of water or seltzer water. Once this habit starts to feel effortless, you can expand to other dietary improvements.
- Prioritize: Treat these micro-goals like essential activities. Block out time in your calendar for them and treat these slots with the same respect as a business meeting or doctor’s appointment.
In navigating the complexities of behavior change, like any skilled sea captain, the key is not to ignore the ocean’s signs but to use its forces to your advantage. The journey of self-improvement is continuous, filled with learning and relearning what works best for us as individuals.
I invite you to take a moment to reflect on your own life. What area are you feeling the most yearning towards change, and what small behavior might you wish to change? What’s beneath the resistance to the behavior—what feelings or beliefs might be driving it? If you are ready, set a small, actionable step you can take this week to address it and share your commitment in the comments below. Stay tuned for more insights in this series on behavior change. If you’re looking for personalized guidance, feel free to reach out for a consultation, or join our community on Facebook where we support each other in these changes.
The information provided in this blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While health coaching can support and enhance overall wellness, it is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you are experiencing deep-seated psychological issues, or suspect you may have a mental health condition, I strongly encourage you to seek out a licensed mental health professional who can provide the appropriate support. This blog aims to empower you with knowledge and tools to improve your general well-being and help you make informed decisions about your health. It is not designed to replace professional mental health services.
References:
Prochaska, James O., and Janice M. Prochaska. Changing to Thrive: Using the Stages of Change to Overcome the Top Threats to Your Health and Happiness. Hazelden Publishing, 2016.
About the Author
Heather Budd is a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, trained by the Functional Medicine Coaching Academy. She specializes in guiding individuals through lifestyle transformations to manage chronic illness and combat fatigue. With a diverse background in business, leadership and a profound personal health journey, Heather empowers clients to reclaim their health and extend their health span.
Important Information: The information provided in this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While health coaching can support and enhance overall wellness, it is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or health objectives. This blog aims to empower you with knowledge and tools to improve your general well-being and help you make informed decisions about your health, but it is not designed to replace professional medical or mental health services.